Shotgun Daddies
by Moon Faery
Summary: When Heero and Duo's daughter tries to sneak out, the Maxwell-Yuys decided to call in back up. Her boyfriend is about to learn the true terror of dating a girl with two fathers.


Shotgun Daddies 1/1  
Rating: PG  
Series: Gundam Wing  
Genre: Humor  
Pairings: 1x2x1; OC+OC  
Spoilers: None  
Warnings: Suggested Violence; Humor; Language  
By Moon Faery

Archived: (eventually at) Moon Faery's Garden (); Kiss of Death (); Lev's Lair ()

Disclaimer: A statement created solely to save one's ass from becoming lawn for the proverbial legal mower. I do not own Gundam Wing. All materials are used without the permission of their various owners. However, this story line, original characters and plot are MINE. (Holds fic close to her.) Grrrr....

Author Notes: As usual, music is my muse. Well, music and three everclear soaked cherries. (sweatdrops) I blame my brother.

***

In the heart of a quiet suburban town was a not-so quiet suburban family. It was a relatively _normal_ family, as far as those things went. Two parents, a daughter, a cat with a litter of kittens, two moderately priced vehicles, one company car and a two story house with blue trim and a flower garden lining the walk. In the backyard of the house was a light blue and white painted tree house, nestled snuggly in the branches of a large oak tree. Lacy curtains lined the windows, marking this as the hiding place of a little girl.

Directly beside the tree house, a second story window slid open. The crickets were singing, and overhead a half-moon was beginning to set. A scraping noise silenced the peaceful nighttime noises as someone shoved a two-by-four out the window, bridging the space between the bedroom and the tree. Long dark hair hung out the window as it was pushed out, barely allowing a glimpse of mysterious violet eyes catching the setting moonlight.

Downstairs, Heero and Duo looked upas the scraping noise carried down. Sighing, Duo sat down a dirty plate in the sink wiped the suds off his hands, walking through the divider to the living room. "What was the name of the boy she's dating this week?"

"Eldar Johanes." Heero folded up his newspaper, accepting the peck his husband placed on his cheek as he walked by. "The last one's still getting counseling and physical therapy."

Duo peered through the curtains, carefully keeping himself from being seen. "Skinny guy? Blondish hair, green truck? Rusty brown hood and a pair of red fuzzies on the rear-view? License plate S93-P5RV?"

Dark blue eyes narrowed in thought as Heero compared the description to his mental file. "Yes. Hand or shotgun?"

"Shotgun. The truck looks tough."

***

In spite of all the reassurances she had given Eldar, Helen Maxwell-Yuy never was really quite sure what was going through her fathers' minds when it came to boys. They both acted quite supporting when she talked about wanting to raise a family and maybe do Preventer's research out of the home between her wifely duties.

They didn't understand that it's hard to raise a family when every guy for twenty kilometers was scared to death of her. She had done everything she could short of stripping naked and running down the street to attract the opposite sex, and it was useless.

Helen had gotten lucky when the Johanes family had moved into town. Their son, Eldar, didn't attend her school, didn't know any of her friends on even a casual basis and was new enough that he didn't have anyone to warn him about her. It was definitely a plus that he was cute, in a country-ish, basketball player kind of way. As desperate as she was becoming, he could have looked like the hind end of a cow and she still would have tried for him.

She had told him that her fathers, for all their past great deeds and mean looks, were just big teddy bears. She had shown him their old photos from Halloween, when they had dressed up as Daphne and Fred from an old cartoon, pointing out that the make up was on the wrong character. She had even flashed him some skin. It had _still_ taken hours of fast-talking to convince him to take her out on a date. His hesitation might have had something to do with Daddies' knife and gun collections.

Eldar's truck was waiting at the end of the driveway just past the range of the security system, exactly like they had planned. He hadn't been sure about picking her up when she mentioned the auto-fire motion sensors, but a quick glimpse of thigh had shut him up. She made it halfway down the driveway before the front door opened and her fathers walked out, weapons in hand.

_'Oh, **no!**'_

"HELEN SAKURA MAXWELL-YUY! GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THIS HOUSE _RIGHT THE FUCK **NOW**_!!!"

Heero raised the shotgun to his shoulder.

Breaking into a sprint, Helen practically threw herself the rest of the way to the truck, diving into the open passenger-side door and slamming it behind her, nearly catching her waist-length ponytail in the door. "Move move move!" Loud cracks of the shotgun rang out as Heero fired, breaking the driver-side window and peppering the tailgate.

Panicking, Eldar smoked the tires before speeding away. His rear-view mirror offered one last view of the Maxwell-Yuys climbing into a hummer with a Preventer's logo on the hood.

***

"Zero-Three, come in Zero-Three."

**Crackle** _"Zero-Three here."_ **Crackle**

"This is Zero-One and Zero-Two. We're on highway fifty-seven heading south, southeast at 125 kph in pursuit of a suspect. Suspect is blonde-brown, one hundred eighty centimeters, seventy kilograms. Currently driving a green ninety-five Grayton pickup with brown hood. License plate S93-P5RV. Requesting assistance. Over."

**Crackle** _"The Hellion's doing it again?"_ **Crackle**

"Roger that."

**Crackle** _"Zero-Five, Zero-Four and I are on our way."_ **Crackle** _"Zero-Four asks that you try and save some for us this time."_ **Crackle**

"No promises."

**Crackle** _"Roger that. Over and out."_

***

"They tried to shoot me!" Eldar yelled over the wind that was pouring in through the broken window. He swerved off-road, cutting through a half-grown cornfield and killed the lights, half-knowing that it wouldn't stop or fool them and half-hoping he was wrong.

"They wouldn't have killed you!" Helen argued - quite reasonably, she thought. "Just maimed you a little!"

"A _little_?!"

***

**Crackle** _"Zero-Four reporting. I'm tailing them in the 'copter. Suspect is running dark, heading southeast through the Patterson's cornfield, taking Devil's Backbone to Night Row. Over."_ **Crackle**

"Acknowledged. Following."

**Crackle** _"Zero-Five here. At Night Row. Will attempt to intercept."_ **Crackle**

"Roger, Wu-bear!"

**Crackle** _"Duo, annoy me after this is over!"_ **Crackle**

"Promise?"

**Crackle** _"Maxwell!"_ **Crackle**

"Which one?"

**Crackle** _"AAARRRGGHHHH-"_ **Crackle**

**Cackling laughter**

***

By some miracle, Helen and Eldar made it to the club with all of their body parts intact. Both teenagers breathed a sigh of relief when they got through the entrance to Night Row. They were safe.

A heavy beat shook the dance floor. The vocals were nearly inaudible through the noise. It didn't matter as Helen pulled Eldar close for a slow dance. They had escaped the parents and the night was theirs.

Someone tapped Eldar's shoulder. "May I cut in?"

Helen's eyes popped open. She knew that voice. "Uncle Wufei?!"

Eldar came as close as he ever had to wetting his pants in terror. "Uncle?" He was ashamed to admit to his therapist later that he had squeaked the word. He turned around slowly, hoping that his knees weren't shaking too noticeably. He found himself nose to chin with a Chinese man wearing a black tank top and a pair of jeans. A tattoo of a dragon and a rose was over his heart, mixed with some characters Eldar felt certain read, "DIE! HAHAHAAA!!!" in spite of the fact that he didn't even speak, much less read, Chinese.

He did the only thing he could think of. He tried to defend himself.

"Try" being the catchword.

The blonde teenager pulled back his fist and aimed for the older man's jaw, putting all his weight behind the blow. It hurt a _lot_ when his fist was caught enroute to its destination. It hurt even more when Uncle Wufei started to squeeze. He felt the bones in his hands begin to creak as they were forced to grind against each other. As Wufei kept adding pressure, the minor ache turned into bone-searing agony that carried all the way up to his shoulder. Eldar was barely away of the feeling of his knees pressing into tile and a weak, strangled scream that sounded vaguely familiar.

"Stop it! _Stop it_, Uncle Wufei! You're hurting him!" Helen banged futily on her Uncle's back. "_STOP IT!_" When the adult didn't even show signs of acknowledging her, Helen stepped back and glared, eyes turning more blue than violet in her anger. Ignoring that fact that she was going to be grounded for life after this, she took aim and executed a careful chop to the side of her uncle's neck.

**Thud**

He dropped like a brick.

She grabbed Eldar's arm and pulled him out of the nightclub before the inevitable back up arrived.

***

**Crackle** _"Zero-Five is down! Repeat, Zero-Five is down!"_ **Crackle**

"What happened?"

**Crackle** _"The Hellion took him down. You never should have trained her to defend herself from militants - spray repellants are usually good enough."_ **Crackle**

"Not for our daughter they ain't! Fuckin' damn it! Are they still at Night Row?"

**Crackle** _"Negative. I'm getting Zero-Five out of here. Will meet up you after Zero-Five's back on his feet. Zero-Three out."_ **Crackle**

"Fuck! Zero-Four, report!"

**Crackle** _"They're heading down Central to 21 Dreams. Helen's driving. Suspect appears to be hiding in the passenger-side floorboard. She hasn't spotted the 'copter yet, but it's only a matter of time. Over."_ **Crackle**

"Zero-Two is attempting to- correction, Zero-Two _has_ remote-tripped the traffic signals to slow them down. You cut them off. We'll be there in three. Over."

**Crackle** _"Acknowledged. Zero-Four Out."_ **Crackle**

***

21 Dreams was an old ice cream bar in the middle of town. The prices were outrageous, the decor awful and the non-ice cream food mediocre, but Helen had always liked it. It wasn't popular by any means, and the elderly couple who ran the place sometimes joked that the Maxwell-Yuys were the only reason they were still in business. They were almost correct. Of the three of them, Helen was the lightest eater and she made the football team seem anorexic by comparison. 

For all its awful blue and yellow color scheme, Dreams had a soothing atmosphere. Helen eased her date into a booth and went to the counter to order him a strawberry milkshake, certain that his hands were trembling too badly to use a spoon. The order was placed on her parents tab, as usual, so she didn't feel guilty about the bill.

Eldar was staring at his hand, which was already turning faintly purple in preparation for very painful bruising. When he had first seen Helen and learned who she was, he had thought that dating her might be worth the risk. She was beautiful, easily the prettiest girl in town, almost rich and funny too. She rested comfortably on that line between famous and anonyms that meant that she was known and occasionally attended well publicized events as the daughter of the saviors of the world, but she wasn't famous enough that her names was smeared in tabloids or on the news. She might even have put out. It was the best of everything he could have wanted from a potential girlfriend. Her parents couldn't have been _that_ bad, even if they did used to be Gundam pilots. That was where he made his mistake, a mistake he had learned of that night.

Heero and Duo Maxwell-Yuy didn't _used to be_ Gundam pilots. They _were_ Gundam pilots. He had assumed that because they no longer had their mecha and were now living on the right side of the law that they were only a little more dangerous than other parents. He had been wrong there too. They didn't live on the right side of the law - they _were_ the law, with enough friends in high places that no one would take any notice of a teenage boy who just happened to die under their hands. Now that they had a daughter, they were more dangerous than they had ever been, and he had been stupid enough to piss them off. 

There were at least two cars, a helicopter and one person with unknown transportation after them. The Maxwell-Yuys were in one car. That meant at least four people, probably five, and he knew exactly who those five people were. Eldar's hands started shaking harder. He had all five original pilots after him, and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it.

He had never honestly contemplated suicide before, but he was starting to understand why some people saw it as the easy way out.

When Helen arrived back at the booth, she found her date hiding under the table, curled up in a little ball and whimpering. He had cracked, and after only an hour. It was, unfortunately, a familiar scenario.

"Eld, honey?" she coaxed, crouching down and holding out her hand like he was a feral cat. "Eld, it's okay. They're not here. Come on out..."

Hesitantly, Eldar eased out from under the table, grasping her hand like a lifeline. She guided him back into the seat, pressing the cold milkshake into his hand.

Helen continued to make soothing noises as she slid into the booth next to him. "Shhh, it's all right hon. Come on out, it's all right..." Behind them, the doorbell jingled, but Helena hardly noticed. She was too busy trying to keep her boyfriend sane to recognize the steady pacing steps of the blonde man who had just walked in and sat down at the counter, ordering a blueberry yogurt with nuts. Even if she had noticed, it wouldn't have done her much good on face of the tall green-eyed man sitting in a sedan outside, or the revived Uncle Wufei leaning beside the door, chewing a candy cigarette. He'd left his motorcycle at the Row.

When a Preventer's issue hummer pulled into the nearly empty parking lot, everything was set. Wufei nodded to Heero and Duo as they passed, offering Trowa a rueful grin and a candy cigarette as he took up his post on the other side of the door.

When the screams started coming from inside, partially muted by the door, they grinned at each other again.

***

The door slammed closed as Heero and Duo escorted their daughter inside the house. They had seen Eldar home and explained to his parents - who weren't even aware that he had left - that none of the wounds were serious, and they would pay for the damage to the truck. Neither Mr. nor Mrs. Johanes argued with them when they insisted on leaving immediately. If anything, they were relieved to see them leave. 

As parents, the two Gundam pilots were relieved to have their daughter home and safe. As Gundam pilots, the parents were disappointed that Helen had allowed herself to be captured so easily. The entire chase had taken a little over an hour and a half from start to finish, not including the discussion they had with Eldar at Dreams, which had taken a full half-hour and no less than three escape attempts, possibly four if the unconscious state counted as an escape.

Immediately upon arriving home, Helen ran up the stairs to her bedroom. She had been crying on the ride home, and her perfect make up had been smeared beyond recovery. Her raccoon-like state didn't stop her from pausing at the halfway point on the stairs and turning to face her fathers, tears in her violet eyes. "I hate you! I _hate_ you! Both of you! Forever and _ever_! I'll never forgive you! _EVER!_" Sobbing, she ran up to her room, slamming the door as hard as she could.

Duo sighed, watching the stairwell in case Helen decided to come back down and talk to them like an adult, something he didn't expect to happen for several years yet, but a parent can never be too careful. "You realize that she's going to hate us forever and ever and never-ever forgive us for the rest of the week, right?"

Heero shrugged in the middle of putting his shotgun away. "At her age, I'd be more worried if she loved us unconditionally."

Another sigh from the braided parent. He tipped back his head to stare at the ceiling, which was rattling with the force of their daughter's stomps, his heavy rope of hair trailing the ground for a few inches. "I wanted some peace and quiet this week anyways."

"Aa."

***OWARI***

[1] My mother thought I should have been easier on the kids. Where's the fun in that?


End file.
